The wedding was right outside of Baton Rouge, so before we left, my dad (being the good dad that he is) made my date and I come to KTBS so they could properly meet before sending his daughter away with a potential psychopathic murderer. I wish I would've had a video camera to film this because it was humiliating in every single way possible. A) I was already nervous because I didn't know what my dad was going to say to him. B) We get to KTBS before my dad and I'm being silent because I'm horrified. C) Papa Tim arrives and scares the living day lights out of me (probably him too). Never have I ever (broken a bone...) heard him talk like this before...here are bits and pieces "This is my only daughter, the light of my life, you will not let her get hurt..." "Her last one was a piece of..." "I could have killed..." "How long have you known her?" "What are the sleeping arrangements?" Basically everything you do not want your father to say to a guy you're going to a wedding with...he said it all. But he meant it for good purposes, I would be THTH (too hard to handle hehe) if I didn't have a dad check up on me like that. Thanks Pops.
After the car ride to Baton Rouge that consisted of me making horrible awkward noises despite the previous conversation with my father, we got ready to go eat. Note: All of the people we hung out with were 24+; I am 20...and with poor fake i.d.'s. Seriously...ones from Boneville, Indiana and has shiny keys all over it. Thanks Copy Cats. Right when we got to Baton Rouge, I got a new fake i.d. that came with a debit card that wasn't working anymore, so it would be legitimate. We went and ate at Superior and I got legit drunk off of one margarita. It was pathetic, I'm usually a tank. Seriously. No, really. After Superior, we had to pick up something for someone at the gas station (sounds sketchy), since I was already tipsy I figured it would be a "great idea" for me to go in. So as I'm holding up the line at Circle K, my card would not work. My bad. It was the broken debit card the whole time. Some random guy offered to pay for my stuff but I didn't accept, I bought him a Tootsie Pop, he was gracious.
At every bar we went to, it was a more mature crowd than the regs at Bogie's. So basically I didn't fit in at all. I got carded every time and they didn't believe it was me but then I'd whip out the broken debit card and all doubt was lost. At The Cove (they have over 100 hundred great beers, Leffe Blond beer is delicious), no one thought it would be a good idea to tell me that Adam Devine from Workaholics was there:
I know. I was upset. So I did the most logical thing and stalked his "agents" which I'm pretty sure were not his "agents" and they were just his posse. But I creeped on them for a while and after they name dropped like crazy, I left them alone in anger.
The next day is the wedding. Bum bum bum. After getting ready (we both looked quite dapper I must say), we met up with two of Date's friends and caravan-ed to the middle of nowhere aka Gonzales. The wedding was outside of Oak Alley Plantation:
 |
| Extremely beautiful wedding, seriously. |
In the beginning of December at SEVEN P.M. Needless to say...it was frigid. We four sat together and the entire time made funny (borderline bautchy...OK bautchy) comments about the bride because apparently no one liked her. After the bridal party was at the alter...everyone was waiting on the bride, so long that people stopped looking behind their shoulders. Finally, I turned to the left and I see this:
 |
| Not the exact girl. |
Except it was at night time, she was riding inside of it, it was lit up with Christmas lights, and instead of just riding up to the altar, she rode it around the entire wedding crowd. The horse was all white. Come on. Really? At first I thought how incredibly obnoxious and over the top it was, but now I'm starting to ponder the idea for my own wedding one day.....wait...ha ha no, I'm not.
After the ceremony, two people were right there holding the most delicious foods I've ever tasted: bacon wrapped shrimp and hush puppies filled with crawfish etoufee. If your mouth isn't watering then you have no taste buds or an imagination.
The band started playing and I started drinking doubles..."She's a Brick House" came on......
And the dude singing invited me and a few other girls (including the bride) on stage (my second home for those who don't know me) and fortunately I got in the front right by the mic. He ended up thinking it was my birthday when really all I told him was "I want you for my birthday!" Eh...seems a bit provocative now. He turned around to dance with the bride and I began to provocatively dance behind him...some people thought it was funny, others probably disturbing. I do what I want.
I think i ruined every picture the bride and groom danced in by being in the background. Then I took a picture with the bride who I have never talked to nor seen in my entire life. She told me "It was so good to see you!" Yeah right, go get on your horse and carriage and ride away into the darkness of marriage.
After the wedding and the bar, we made a pit stop before the cab dropped us off at my apartment (that I don't live in but still pay rent...speaking of I'M LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE) at McDonald's. We thought we were super hungry so we ordered 40 chicken nuggets, a large fry, and 8 barbecue sauces. We ate probably 12 of them in total.
To end this magical weekend, Date kept complimenting the pants that I was wearing, and I don't take compliments well but I sucked it up and said thank you (I know, SUCH a difficult thing to do) and when I got home I realized I had a HUGE hole, right in the dead center of them. Never saying thank you for a compliment again because it will bite you in the arse...literally.
No comments:
Post a Comment