Its Fun to Stay at the Y-M-C-A

Ello! Going to the gym (yes, the gym) is sometimes rather disappointing on my end. Not that I don't get a fabulous work out in whilst pumping loads and loads of iron, but I just have some strange encounters with strange situations. For instance, those of you who have ever been in my presence for over an hour will soon realize that my hair tends to attach itself onto many objects. For example: drinks, peoples hands, a pillow, etc. Or how about an old man at the YMCA? I was on the calve machine (?), beefing up my patties (that sounds lovely), when this 50-70 (bit of an age difference) year old man sat on the machine in front of me wearing a fitted black t-shirt. I couldn't help but notice that one of my white curly hairs (Dumbledore-esque) was attached to his back. I cringed.

I wish.
I was going to somehow try and pull it off of him (no I wasn't) but when he got up my hair just magically stuck onto the machine. What a pleasant surprise. 

The other day I was running on the treadmill (yes, running) and I began to slow it down so I could breathe (in soccer people would sometimes refer to me as "the Blonde Tomato" because my face would turn so incredibly red) and as I was slowing down (also I have size 10 feet) I tripped over one of my ski's and at first stumbled (a lot) and then proceeded to actually fall off of the treadmill. There were two girls, probably a couple of years than me on the elliptical and I could see them snickering. Talk about a low blow ladies! I was hurt. Both because I've never experienced treadmill burns and also emotionally. It was a rough day. 

My next awkward encounter wasn't necessarily at the gym (that sounds so butch), but it does involve running,  so, okay. Freshman year. Byrd soccer practice. @LSUS. Ashton Kutcher was filming the movie "The Guardian" (loved it, congratulations Ashton and Kevin) at the LSUS pools. Claire O'Brien and I (now is a good time to add we were on JV) decided we "needed to go to the bathroom" and we weren't any good so they let us go (whoo-hoo!). The girls restroom was locked and we were determined to get into the pools, so we enter the boys restroom. We then hear many men's voices about to enter through the swim doors and we hid in a bathroom stall. It was all of the extras and the producer (or the director, one of those yes). We bolted out of there and went back outside. As we were about to make the long saddening walk back to our normal lives, a children's mother shouted "Look there he is!" And there in the flesh (he's very thin, and very frail) was Ashton Kutcher, posing in the large window. We were absolutely ravished. So with adrenaline pumping through our veins we took off back to practice to tell everyone of our adventures. Right as I took off (I can't run very fast so just do your best to imagine), I wasn't paying attention to the ground and this poor three-year old boy on a Razor scooter got tackled by my star struck self. It was very embarrassing to say the least.

Maybe "exercising" isn't my forte but it does make for nice stories. Good day everyone, and good night.
P.S. I forgot to tell you all that we reached 2,150 views!! Maybe I'll make a bumper sticker or something. 

Mini Blog: Baton Rouge

Hey kiddos, how's it going? I hope your weekend has been as splendid as mine has. I've been in Baton Rouge (Red Stick) since Thursday and it has been scrumtralescant! Currently I'm with Helen Butts and M'Lynn Ganey (friend them on Facebook) drinking some vino and watching Beauty and the Beast (yes, this is our pregame). Helen has been letting me "post-up" at her beautiful apartment (literally it has a men/women bathroom; two sinks and all) it's been magical. Helen says "I sound great so far", she is....NOT. Just kidding. We've all decided we're moving to London next summer, especially after watching Across the Universe today. Jim Sturgess, if you ever come across this, we are all very interested. This is the end to my mini blog for the night, I'll update you all later. Ciao! Happy Saturday, get Wydle tonight like Olivia. Tat-ta.

"Pull around to the first window, Sir."...ehhhh...

If any of you have ever spoken to me, (so the 8 people in India that are reading this blog...you know who you are...you may not get this one as well) you would understand that I have a distinct voice. Some like to call it "unique". Well. Hell. I sound like a boy going through puberty. Charming right? This "issue" used to really bother me, especially when I was a wee tot. At some point over the past year, I was watching home videos of myself (so narcissistic of me....Camille be proud of me for using such a big word) and I realized I sounded like a "bro" even when I was like 7 years old. How unfortunate. I first got "called out" on the whole "why do you sound like a boy" situation when I was in the seventh grade. I'm not sure why I'm about to tell you all this story because it makes me look like a huge dweeb. Anyways, I thought it would be funny to call in to the radio show and speak to the radio personality "Stifler" :

He used to work with my father so it's ok.

I called in to his show because they were wanting to know funny signs/billboards around the area. So....being the "hilarious" seventh grader I thought I was, I called in and told them of some idiotic sign (that they did not find humorous at all) and after I told them and was pretty humiliated he just had to take this to the next level and say "Thank you Sir, have a great day!" I cried for probs 30 minutes straight. What a let down. 

Senior year, Mrs. (Ms.?) Sermons math class. Let's just say (she was the devil) we didn't get along. After about 3/4 into the year, she knew my voice distinctly. I'll admit, I was a little Chatty-Cathy in the classroom.......anyways....So, one fifth hour of doing agonizing pointless math problems (I'm an English major now Ms/Mrs Sermons so HA) she asked a question (while looking around the room) and I answered (probably something sarcastic) and the wench looked me in the eyes and said "Was that you? I thought it was a boy, haha (old lady laugh)..." I was angry. She later felt the wrath of Sydney Fletcher when I won HONOR MENTION in the art/math project. I drew Mugatu from Zoolander with mathematical spirals for hair. Brilliant I know.

Many moons have passed since that frigid witch said those hateful things to me, many, many moons. I just pulled out the bird and told her "It's real nice, I got it at Target. It was on sale." 

Now ever since these experiences, when I'm ordering food or speaking to a stranger on the telephone I like to raise my pitch a few notches, just to avoid sobbing and going into depression mode over the fact that my voice nodules were not built correctly. But it's no big deal! 

Well gang (bangers), I'm off to eat dinner with my friends, aren't you glad you know this? BYE HAPPY HUMP DAY (Totally forgot)!

Toaster on Wheels? Or My First Car?

Happy Day of Sabbath (although there's quite the confusion whether it's Saturday or Sunday) to all. Recently I was put into an awkward (there's the title again) situation regarding my first automobile. Driving along the bumpy roads of Shreveport, an acquaintance pointed out how "horrific" Honda Elements are. You may be agreeing with this fellow but let me tell you. She was an absolute delight.

Sadly, this is the only picture I have of her. I was 16.
Please don't judge me.

Fun Fact #1: My father was the first Element owner in Shreveport. Talk about having a great title. 

Fun Fact #2: The seats fold out to become a queen sized bed (wink).

Literally.

Once upon a time, Meredith-Grace and I were waiting to pick up a fellow coworker from baseball practice. To pass our time we unfolded all of the seats and began practicing gymnastics and doing front rolls from one end to another. Thought you should know.

Fun Fact #3: It's completely water proof. So next time you may accidentally drive into a large body of water, let's go with a lake, the interior will be a-okay. (Thank the lord!!) 

Fun Fact #4: For some reason, Honda installed a card table in the trunk (Just in case you need to pull over and play a quick game of poker.)

As I was searching the worldwide web for images of
this beaut, I came across ElementOwnersClub.com

Fun Fact #5: We sold my little Georgia-peach to an Indian man in Dallas (possibly for $100...?).

Fun Fact #6: I "suped-her-up" before we sold the precious gem:

I would rather have the Creed song "Six Feet From the Edge"
playing in my ears for a week than drive this.

I hope my Fun Facts have possibly encouraged you to drive one of these bad boys around. It really was a fantastic way of transportation. Hmm. I miss the Element and the memories along with it. Good times, great oldies, 95.7. Side note: the Honda Element is in no way a "Soul" or "Cube" or "futuristic minivan" or even "a toaster on wheels", she/he (whichever you feel is necessary) is a car of her own kind. A majestic type if I may say so myself. Enjoy relaxation today folks, back to reality we go. BYE!

Thank you, Goodnight....Tip Your Waitresses.....or Don't.....

G'day Mates. Happy "Hump Day" to all. Today is actually National Lollipop Day (my favorite holiday!!!!!!!!!!!). Today, at Cascio's Market Bistro (come get the Turkey Melt, it's de-freaking-licious), I had a couple of people stiff me on the whole tip situation (anuses). It made me realize all of the different ways people have said "You suck." since I've been working there, and not just to me, but to my fellow co-workers.

Now, there's multiple "types" of "stiff-ers" out here on this planet we call Earth (pretty sure that's in a song). There's the brain surgeon who leaves you nothing, or maybe a dollar (can't complain).

Don't look into his eyes.

Then there's the "clever" stiff-er....one of my coworkers was left a handful of change and a screw, possibly a "screw you"? Or maybe nasty men leaving a dime, possibly "You're a dime piece." Except I'm pretty sure no older man uses that phrase........I hope not at least.

Next, is when you wait on the I-know-you-well-enough-to-say-hello-in-Target-but-not-enough-to-hang-out-on-the-weekend type. Usually when this happens they tip you well because there's a slight chance you may move up to the stage of being actual friends and they don't want to ruin it by being a jerk. But every now and then (I get a little bit lonely and you never come arounndddd), you do. It's worse when you see people that do this later and all you can think is "You're group of friends didn't tip me anything, even though I was an absolutely delightful waitress towards you all, therefore, no more chances at the friend zone."

My favorite tipper...not a stiffer, a tipper.... (That's what she said.)...is the "magician".

The "magical" tipper is one who plays mind games. (I got a detention freshman year for playing mind games with a substitute, Mr. Adams, Byrd grads understand, and no I'm not joking.) One customer of the bistro comes in and automatically tips you (before you can even show them you're not good at waitress-ing....nice), but the catch is that you have to be the member of the audience making a fool of yourself to earn the dough. His words, "Now, I'm going to show you a magic trick and if you get it right, you can keep the money. I'm going to take these five ones (A WHOLE FIVE DOLLARS!!) and bend them in many ways, if you can guess whether they're upside down or right side up, you get them." It's stupid because even if you get it wrong (I do every time... he's a frequent customer) you still get the money. Might I add that after his magic tricks he asks for bread sticks, not just one pack either, like seven. Pretty sure he's stocked up by now.

That's all for today folks. Happy Wednesday to all, and to all a goodnight!