Thank you, Goodnight....Tip Your Waitresses.....or Don't.....

G'day Mates. Happy "Hump Day" to all. Today is actually National Lollipop Day (my favorite holiday!!!!!!!!!!!). Today, at Cascio's Market Bistro (come get the Turkey Melt, it's de-freaking-licious), I had a couple of people stiff me on the whole tip situation (anuses). It made me realize all of the different ways people have said "You suck." since I've been working there, and not just to me, but to my fellow co-workers.

Now, there's multiple "types" of "stiff-ers" out here on this planet we call Earth (pretty sure that's in a song). There's the brain surgeon who leaves you nothing, or maybe a dollar (can't complain).

Don't look into his eyes.

Then there's the "clever" stiff-er....one of my coworkers was left a handful of change and a screw, possibly a "screw you"? Or maybe nasty men leaving a dime, possibly "You're a dime piece." Except I'm pretty sure no older man uses that phrase........I hope not at least.

Next, is when you wait on the I-know-you-well-enough-to-say-hello-in-Target-but-not-enough-to-hang-out-on-the-weekend type. Usually when this happens they tip you well because there's a slight chance you may move up to the stage of being actual friends and they don't want to ruin it by being a jerk. But every now and then (I get a little bit lonely and you never come arounndddd), you do. It's worse when you see people that do this later and all you can think is "You're group of friends didn't tip me anything, even though I was an absolutely delightful waitress towards you all, therefore, no more chances at the friend zone."

My favorite tipper...not a stiffer, a tipper.... (That's what she said.)...is the "magician".

The "magical" tipper is one who plays mind games. (I got a detention freshman year for playing mind games with a substitute, Mr. Adams, Byrd grads understand, and no I'm not joking.) One customer of the bistro comes in and automatically tips you (before you can even show them you're not good at waitress-ing....nice), but the catch is that you have to be the member of the audience making a fool of yourself to earn the dough. His words, "Now, I'm going to show you a magic trick and if you get it right, you can keep the money. I'm going to take these five ones (A WHOLE FIVE DOLLARS!!) and bend them in many ways, if you can guess whether they're upside down or right side up, you get them." It's stupid because even if you get it wrong (I do every time... he's a frequent customer) you still get the money. Might I add that after his magic tricks he asks for bread sticks, not just one pack either, like seven. Pretty sure he's stocked up by now.

That's all for today folks. Happy Wednesday to all, and to all a goodnight!