So, it's been a while. How are y'all doing? Let me update you on my life..I went to the Louisiana State Fair...and that's about all you need to know to understand. I never thought that something so frightening would be SO FUN (...)!
To start out our (incredibly spontaneous) adventure to the fair, Hannah and I convinced Clint ("Clinkers" in a previous post) to go with us for protection (seriously). Han also brought her Taser, which they didn't check to see if she had a weapon (profiling failure). Clint was extremely unhappy that he had to go with us. Imagine a 21-year-old male pouting and that's what we were dealing with. We stopped at the gas station because good-ole-country-boy Clint just had to have a can of dip (delicious) for the fair (to put up with me and Hannah). Clint decides to buy a "roll" of dip, which for all of you who didn't know what that was either, its a five pack (?) of dip. It was Clint's lucky day because the lady at the gas station only charged him for one. Go Clint!
We get to the fair. Hannah and Clint are walking way too slow for my liking so I begin to walk faster in anticipation of the "thrill" rides. "Thrill" rides meaning they weren't actually scary but the fear of them falling apart while being hoisted in the air. I forgot how much I turned into a 12-year-old when it came to anything with lots of lights and fast machinery (like oil plants). At one point I was actually screaming in a little girl voice (I know, quite hard to imagine).
We get to the first ride (video at the end) and it literally was the doink-iest (shout out to Mal, Hals, Gray, and Hannah) ride at the fair, well, besides the children's rides. Basically, you sat facing the crowd with nothing in front of you. You were strapped in by an over the shoulder (boulder holder...) harness type thing. Once it began to sway (maybe a distance of six feet) Clint began proclaiming "I didn't sign up for this shet." (Censored).
The next ride we got on decided to stay upside down for a good five seconds. Hannah and I, being the absolute idiots that we happen to be, decided to bring our purses on this adventurous ride. While being stuck upside down we were scrambling to hold onto our belongings; Clint was still screaming profanities (he had to ride by himself).
Our next task on the list was the rock wall. If you climbed the "challenge" wall you could win up to $100. No one was around to witness my attempt at being a "climber" so I figured why not. The instructor harnessed me in and I began my trek up the plastic wall of doom. I got maybe three feet off the ground and decided it was fun for a second, but not my cup of tea. Then, he made me go for a second try (I'm not sure why he thought making me do this once more would result in me succeeding). I actually got a little further up, and I looked back at Hannah because I could hear her cackling and there were about 40 people watching me.
A former LA Tech baseball player decided to give it a go. He looked pretty confident in his attempt. And once he got off the ground he began shaking like Tucker from "There's Something About Mary".
(Video at 25 seconds; just a note: he doesn't actually have a disability for those who may be offended)
The last ride we waited in line for had a woman with a bit of an upset stomach on board. We were about tenth in line and all of a sudden the first nine people starting freaking out, they had been sprayed by the bile of an imbecile. After the "conductor" stealthily cleaned off the ride (poured a bucket of water over the seat) a fellow decided he would be the guy sitting by himself. Walking with his swag, looking cool as ever, he sat in the seat. Immediately he jumped out and was soaked in the remainders of vomit and H2O.
I leave you all with a little clip from the KTBS News Team who captured the three of us on the first ride. Ignore my frightened face, it was all staged. At about 1:15, look for the large blond hair. HAPPY MONDAY! Love y'all (too soon?).
THE RIDE OF TERROR
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