My Visit to the Emergency Room

I know, I know. Before you all start shouting obscenities at me, I've been super busy with a lot of stuff and haven't had time to write to all of you. The whole waking up at 6:30 every day and then going to another job from 10-3 then going to class thing is just a little overwhelming. Sorry. I had to have my own pity party, GERRRRRRR!!!!!!! While I'm busy WORKING MYSELF TO DEATH, I think my immune system is as well. Here in "good ol'" Shreveport, a slight bug had been working its way around the city. My dear friend Hannah's boyfriend Clint (Clinkers) thought that a bad batch of meatloaf from the Golden Corral did the trick.

Yum.

While watching Bridesmaids over at the Doyle residence, I became a little chilly. I went and grabbed her brother's comforter from his bed and noticed a very potent scent coming from the depths of the linen. She exclaimed that Clint had slept in there but we all agreed since it was food poisoning I'd be A-OK (we're such idiots.)

The next day, I was extremely tired at work but I figured it was normal since I WORK MYSELF TO SLEEP ALL OF THE TIME. Does that make any sense to you? It makes sense to me so I'll keep it. I went home to lay down for a second when I became extremely nauseated (also fever, chills, a headache, and a sore throat...have pity on me!!!!!!!) A few hours of this and I took a Dramamine and planned on going to bed around 9. 

And then it happened:

This is really frightening.

I didn't vomit a rainbow (although that would be magical), but I wanted to go to quick care to get a shot for nausea or some antibiotics since I had a test the next day (didn't make that test BTW) and work. My strange mannered step dad (he's pretty normal) drove me to three quick cares...gasp. They were all closed. I was about to start re-writing my will (what?) when we decided to go to the E.R. I shouldn't have gone to the ER for this petty virus, but I felt like death, and they'd give me some meds (not to abuse). After about an hour of waiting they finally took me to the back where I shared a large room with two other people (they used curtains as dividers). It was so typical. An elderly man had fallen and thought he had gotten a concussion. His sweet wife was there though and that made me happy. 

The lady nurse came in and began treating me like a 7 year old, but I did not mind it one bit. I had to go pee in a cup and when I got back I didn't know what to do with my urine so I just held it. As I'm looking at my urine disapprovingly, McSteamy walks in. Long blond hair, nice and buff, and beautiful eyes. "Here's my chance" I thought. I said hello, forgetting I look like a moron. And then he whispered softly into my ear (except loudly and two feet away from me) "I need to get your urine." Sad.

I waited a little while and McSteamy and Momma Nurse came back in to put me on some fluids and draw blood. I've been told I have some tiny veins (; so they both sat down and started just slapping the hell out of my inner elbows. It reminds me of the scene in Zoolander when he's getting a massage from the oompa loompa lady.

They got me hooked up to the iv so all that I had left to do was wait patiently. But oh no. That couldn't happen because the elderly man next to me kept buzzing the nurse. She came in and asked what he needed and he simply told her he needed to use the restroom. She asked him if he could use a urinal and he said yes. The whole time I wasn't thinking anything of it. Then I heard him peeing. I guess urinal in hospital terms is a plastic bucket. Thirty minutes later I laid in bed shivering because of how nippley it was in there, when all of sudden I hear "berrrrrrrrrrr." That's how I would type flatulence. The urination station had left, but now the gas chamber would begin.

I did get a really cool hospital bracelet that I kept as a souvenir. I wore it to work thinking I would get some pity points and maybe an extra tip but people don't react well to "I was in the hospital for a virus the other day." And now I'm serving you delicious food that I coughed on in the back. Have a great Tuesday, I've got to practice my speech on how to make a napkin origami chicken.