Ms. (Mrs. now?) Geneaux (I think that's how you spell her name...) every nine weeks or so would have a raffle and boy was this raffle the best thing that had ever come to St. Joseph's. She would put it homework passes, colored pencils, GEL PENS!!!!, USA themed toys/bandanas (I'm currently sitting at Starbucks trying to look intelligent while "studying" and I'm pretty sure Dwight Schrute's twin just showed up for a latte), and then one day...she threw in....the bone pen. You're probably wondering "What is a bone pen?" I will tell you what a bone pen is. A bone pen (let's see how many more times I can say bone pen (1)) is a pen shaped like a human bone:
A friend of mine, Austin Andre (I'll only use fake names on the embarassing ones), won this bone pen and everyone was incredibly jealous. Later that day, in Senorita Sanchez' espanol (obviously) class, he just could not handle this pen anymore. So the devil woman took it up. He got a little upset and told her "That is my pen, give it back." She responded "Sue me." How mature right? UGH. Austin "I WILL!!!!!" He got a detention for standing up for his fake femur.
If you're from Shreveport, you'll know a man named Tony Taglivore (newscaster), who (I'm not sure if he still does this) does a "Tony Live" segment where he goes to elementary/middle schools at 4:30 a.m. (yeah.) and I guess talks about them? Well, he came to St. Joe's back in fifth grade. Let me tell you now, this was the worst decision Tony could have made. A) Everyone had to be there at 4:30 in the morning, but "we're going to be on the SHREVEPORT NEWS MOM PLEASE" so Cricket let me attend. We had to wear our janky pep squad uniforms that were one pieces with a waistband and you folded it under the waistband so it would look like two pieces. Only the best for S-J-S. I was such a good cheerleader. So that morning Tony does his thing and the cheerleading squads do some cheers. He brings out the biggest cake I've ever seen in my entire life. Seriously like seven feet long, 50 feet wide. Just kidding, but it was large.
The worst things to say to fifth graders live on television (we got to be in the front for some strange reason) is "DIG IN." On the recording, me and my old pal Reno Grossi, dive across the crowd and into the huge cake. This proceeds into St. Joseph's Catholic School having what I'm pretty sure was the first live-broadcast food fight on Shreveport news. All of the teachers were extremely upset.
One of my dearest friends, Rose Pettiette, was very cool back then (what happened Ro-ey?) and my other friend Mary Oden (was just as cool, don't get me wrong) but those two had a bet and if Mary lost, she would have to be Rose's slave for a day. Mary lost. The day came where Mary was Rose's "slave" and so this encouraged Rose to say some crude things for a fifth grader to say to another fifth grader (no bad words or bad names, but just not appropriate things like making Mary do belittle-ing things). The teachers had a special meeting with Rose telling her she could not have Mary Oden as a slave. They really did think this was real. I am giggling out loud at Starbucks right now by myself with the hipsters.
They're all looking at me in my over sized t-shirts and Nike's so I'm going to scaddaddleeee on out of here. Love yall. Miss yall. Wanna be yall. Bye.
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