Austin, TX

     For this past New Year's Eve, we rounded up a crew of ten goons ready to take an adventure to put in the books. Five of them backed out because they didn't think they could handle it and one of them has Crohn's Disease (we tried to convince them early before the trip that it wasn't a good idea for the ride). The original five knew our place in which destiny was leading us and took a little trip where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Austin.

     We decided to leave early...three o'clock in the afternoon "at the latest", but we did not put into the equation that three of the slowest moving human beings were a part of our five-some: Madeline, Austin, and Kathleen. The whole point of us leaving during the afternoon was the fact that Madeline can not drive in the dark because she absolutely can not see. We ended up leaving around 6:30 and as we're pulling onto the interstate from Kings Highway, we had to turn around because God forbid we make this drive without an auxiliary cord (which we had a similar device that also charged the phone/iPod). By seven o'clock we were off to see the wizard.

     Our first stop was at a rinky-dink gas station in the middle of nowhere. It was a Mexican themed (if that's the appropriate term...) gas station that sold Mexican lunches...and "Gourmet Pizzas" (yikes). We went to use the restroom and ran into a small crew who looked as though they were in high school, gambling on the video poker machines. Ramsey and I went to the restroom first (one bathroom for men and women to share; one stall) and as we walked out, a cowboy took his turn to drain the main vein (sorry). Kathleen and Madeline were looking around the store waiting for their turn but the cowboy jumped the gun. After twenty minutes, we began to worry, then we started to gross ourselves out, and after Austin purchased two lottery tickets that he "knew would win because they're from a random gas station" we hit the road.

     After about an hour back on the road, Madeline and Kathleen still hadn't used the restroom and we were all hungry. At 8:55 we pull into a Subway. They closed at 9. The two girls working absolutely hated us because after the five of us walked in, another group of people assumed that if the five us were doing it, then so should they. Rebellion! After talking about all of us under their breath, we paid the angry workers. Next stop, Austin. Well, I actually fell asleep until we were pulling into Austin, so they may have made another pit-stop. So...next stop, Austin.

     After getting lost several times in the actual city, we finally made it to Kathleen's house where we ate about six pounds of different gourmet cheeses each and passed out.

     We woke up in the early afternoon and once we all got ready, we headed to South Congress to explore.  Our first restaurant to eat at in Austin was Guero's Taco Bar. All I can really say about it was that it was delicious but the salsa they gave the table to share was the size of salsa that an ant village would bring to a fellow ants quinceanera.

Guero's Taco Bar

     After we ate, we went to Lucy in Disguise, a costume store, full of the most fabulous costumes/wigs/masks/magic I've ever seen. I purchased a blue wig that I was going to wear that night with one of my many sequined outfits that I had packed. 

     After Lucy in Disguise, we tried to go to Uncommon Objects. I now realize that my parents adopted me because anyone can put the context clues together and realize I was born in this store. Unfortunately, it was closing early due to the holidays. We ran into some folks from Shreveport at Stag and after that realized it was six o'clock and we needed to go get alcohol and get ready.

     We walked into Spec's, an alcoholic's Disney World, without a doubt. It was insane. Each of us bought a bottle of champagne and then our personal drink of choice. I got Fat Tire due to my fathers great taste in beer. I'm thankful for him passing it down to me. After spending an hour in alcohol land, we went home to get ready. Austin and Ramsey got ready first and began drinking heavily. By the time Madeline, Kathleen, and I were close enough to being ready that we were able to begin drinking, Rams and Austin were wasted. We were ready for a night out on 6th Street.

     Kathleen called her friends usual cab driver, Big C, to come and get us. Once he arrived, we all immediately fell in love with him. He was a huge black man with the voice of Morgan Freeman.

Big C and I.

     He dropped us off on 6th, and we went to Maggie Mae's. After paying to get in, we all ordered drinks and began to make our way upstairs, first stopping to watch these people grind:

Get it.

     Once we got to the second floor, Austin and Ramsey were hanging out on the balcony which overlooked the inside of the bar. Austin casually waved his hand, knocking Ramsey's beer over the balcony onto a girl on the first floor. Ramsey looked at the girl from over the balcony, slowly raised her hands, and gave the girl a puzzled look. They walked down there and the girl told Ramsey "I'm going to slap you if you don't buy me another beer." And then the ambulance was called moments later. Just kidding. Ramsey told her that wasn't necessary and they got her a beer, full of Visine eye drops that caused instant DIARRHEA, asshole. Just kidding, again. 

     I met a stranger named Rob on the dance floor (we found love in a hopeless place) who enjoyed making people feel uncomfortable as much as I did. We were hanging out near the balcony when this man told us how lovely we seemed as a couple. My immediate response was "Thank you! We just eloped yesterday!" to which Rob followed up with "It's true, she's pregnant! With twins!" The man seemed skeptical of our story, considering the fact I had a double drink in my hand. I told him it was just cranberry juice. We made him kiss my stomach. Then we went up to six different people and told them the same story, only a couple of them kissed my pregnant stomach. One girl looked at me with pure disgust and said "Um, you like really shouldn't be drinking if you're pregnant" and I said "Oh! It's okay, they're going to be popping out partying!" She rolled her eyes and then I explained her to her that I was not pregnant to which her reply was "Ugh, I knew that." You betcha.

     Once Big C came back to get us, he drove us to Taco Cabana, the Mexican Whataburger, which ended up taking literally an hour and half. Fortunately, he was good enough of friends with all of us (Kathleen) that he turned his meter off. Only after us promising him an extremely generous tip. I waited in the car because I was pouting. Finally, everyone came back, except Austin. Shouting began, "Where is Austin?! He was supposed to come out here an hour ago!" Austin had taken a nap in the bathroom for almost an entire hour. 

     We made it home, and we all snuggled up in our beds while visions of quesadillas danced in our heads.

     The next morning we went to eat at The Oasis. They had a spaceship that visitors could take pictures in: 

     We packed our things and hit the road. If you've ever driven to Baton Rouge or Austin, you may have noticed the prestigious dining hall, Penny's Diner. Of course we had to go in since none of us had before (wonder why...). Our waiter was terrifying and extremely chatty. A man came up and brought us a chair so we weren't crammed in a booth but the booths there were MASSIVE and we were fine. He ended up just scaring us. 

     I hope you all had a lovely New Years whatever you ended up doing. Here's a group shot of us from Maggie Mae's to end it on, love you: