The Fifth Grade Blues

Possibly an awkward year for everyone? Or just me? I'll share some stories with you and maybe you'll feel better about yourself. Be aware that I'll be sharing stories with you of various peers because they're all to great to keep to myself.

Ms. (Mrs. now?) Geneaux (I think that's how you spell her name...) every nine weeks or so would have a raffle and boy was this raffle the best thing that had ever come to St. Joseph's. She would put it homework passes, colored pencils, GEL PENS!!!!, USA themed toys/bandanas (I'm currently sitting at Starbucks trying to look intelligent while "studying" and I'm pretty sure Dwight Schrute's twin just showed up for a latte), and then one day...she threw in....the bone pen. You're probably wondering "What is a bone pen?" I will tell you what a bone pen is. A bone pen (let's see how many more times I can say bone pen (1)) is a pen shaped like a human bone:

A friend of mine, Austin Andre (I'll only use fake names on the embarassing ones), won this bone pen and everyone was incredibly jealous. Later that day, in Senorita Sanchez' espanol (obviously) class, he just could not handle this pen anymore. So the devil woman took it up. He got a little upset and told her "That is my pen, give it back." She responded "Sue me." How mature right? UGH. Austin "I WILL!!!!!" He got a detention for standing up for his fake femur. 

If you're from Shreveport, you'll know a man named Tony Taglivore (newscaster), who (I'm not sure if he still does this) does a "Tony Live" segment where he goes to elementary/middle schools at 4:30 a.m. (yeah.) and I guess talks about them? Well, he came to St. Joe's back in fifth grade. Let me tell you now, this was the worst decision Tony could have made. A) Everyone had to be there at 4:30 in the morning, but "we're going to be on the SHREVEPORT NEWS MOM PLEASE" so Cricket let me attend. We had to wear our janky pep squad uniforms that were one pieces with a waistband and you folded it under the waistband so it would look like two pieces. Only the best for S-J-S. I was such a good cheerleader. So that morning Tony does his thing and the cheerleading squads do some cheers. He brings out the biggest cake I've ever seen in my entire life. Seriously like seven feet long, 50 feet wide. Just kidding, but it was large.

 The worst things to say to fifth graders live on television (we got to be in the front for some strange reason) is "DIG IN." On the recording, me and my old pal Reno Grossi, dive across the crowd and into the huge cake. This proceeds into St. Joseph's Catholic School having what I'm pretty sure was the first live-broadcast food fight on Shreveport news. All of the teachers were extremely upset. 

One of my dearest friends, Rose Pettiette, was very cool back then (what happened Ro-ey?) and my other friend Mary Oden (was just as cool, don't get me wrong) but those two had a bet and if Mary lost, she would have to be Rose's slave for a day. Mary lost. The day came where Mary was Rose's "slave" and so this encouraged Rose to say some crude things for a fifth grader to say to another fifth grader (no bad words or bad names, but just not appropriate things like making Mary do belittle-ing things). The teachers had a special meeting with Rose telling her she could not have Mary Oden as a slave. They really did think this was real. I am giggling out loud at Starbucks right now by myself with the hipsters.

They're all looking at me in my over sized t-shirts and Nike's so I'm going to scaddaddleeee on out of here. Love yall. Miss yall. Wanna be yall. Bye.

I Can't Make This Stuff Up.

This past weekend has really had me thinking my life is like "The Truman Show". Seriously though, there is no way that my life has this many awkward happenings for it to be real. It's not real life. I'll give you all a little break down starting with "wow, that's odd" to "this can't be real".

1) Yesterday, my friends and I went to Dick's Sporting Goods to look for some new tennis shoes and maybe a new rain jacket (Koppen's are the coolest by far). While they were looking at the shoes again, I went over to the exercise equipment section and began to explore (like a 7 year old). I was on a new elliptical machine that has a TV built in, and also a  fan. It was huge. I walked around the corner to meet back up with them when...BAM. The greatest thing I've ever seen is right there. The Ab Glider.

I was thrilled. I hopped on that bad boy and began to glide. I did it for a good three minutes and just couldn't figure out how in the world it worked. I found Haley and Mallory and explained to them "Y'all. There is an Ab Glider over there." They (Haley) got equally as excited. I hopped on again and told them I didn't understand how it worked. Fortunately (unfortunately), there was another shopper near by. He was probably 35+, into working out (he was checking out biking gear), and into helping some young adults figure out the Ab Glider. What a peach. As I'm trying to "glide" (yikes) he came up and held the handle bar for me and began to "personally train" my ab gliding self. It was weird man. 

2) Haley and I went to go see the movie "Our Idiot Brother" last night. Not what I expected it to be, but it was so great. I thought it was supposed to be a straight up comedy, but it was more of a feel-good movie. It was still funny, but there were many moments when you just felt good. Hence the "feel-good" -____-. I laughed, I almost cried, and it made me want to be a better person. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Anyways, on the way to the movie, we stopped at a gas station to get some Lunchables and candy to sneak in.

 Very classy. I was on the phone with my mom, Cricket, when this man looked at Haley and I and began to wave at one of us. I looked at Haley who wasn't paying that much attention so I put my context clues together and realized he was waving at me. "Mom, I've got to go..." I waved back and from one end of the gas station he yelled "Sydney Fletcher right?!" I was hoping "Maybe he's read my blog. My first fan (!!!!!!)." Wrong. I went up and asked how he was doing, basically pretending I knew this man. His response was "You went to Holy Rosary right? I recognize you from there." Uh......."Yes sir, I went there K-3-Kindergarten." What the heck? I know I've got a memorable voice, and memorable hair, but three years old to twenty years old? SECRET OBSESSION?! Just kidding, later on I realized I did know this man. He's friends with my grandparents. Sorry, for making you feel like a creeper good sir.

3) The weirdest thing of this weekend. Are you ready? Because I'm not sure if you are. I'm not sure if I am either, but here we go. A lot of my friends from Baton Rouge went to Dallas this weekend for the LSU vs Oregon game (Geaux Tigers.) on Friday morning through the weekend. Friday night, I was watching the TCU vs. Baylor game (great game by the way) when I received a picture text message from a number I didn't know. The picture is an advertisement of some sort with two girls and the caption is "Hey gurl." This is what I receieved:

I looked at it for a good while, finally figured out it was Millicent who sent it to me, and I thought she did the thing where people put faces on other peoples bodies, FaceinHole. Then she explained that this is an actual advertisement at Jake's Burger Place in Dallas, TX. Uh......this is real?........Either I have an identical twin that wears a lot of make up, or this could be a lawsuit. Now I'm not saying that's my body. Because I can guarantee you right now....it's not. But that is my facial structure in every way. The teeth are bigger than mine, but still. That is my nose, those are my tiny half-moon eyes. I'm very disturbed. Twin: if you are some how reading this blog, please contact me so we can meet. 

I wish some of my stories on here were made up, but they are not. All of them are 100% real, besides the changing of names which is strictly to protect their identities (something that I lack, obviously). Happy Tuesday y'all. 

This blog post is dedicated to my mother's dear friend Tony Luce and his daughter Tori Luce. May you rest in peace beautiful girl. Hope this can bring some happiness to you Tony.