My Awkward Blog: December 2012

A few weeks ago, Clint asked me if I'd babysit his bosses daughters for a few hours and earn some extra cash. I was all for it. I asked Clint how old his daughters were and he told me the oldest was three and the youngest was "baby". I'm really bad at judging the ages of tiny-tots so I honestly did not know that three-year-old's could speak (I know). I got over there and the baby was peacefully asleep. The three-year-old, Mary, surprisingly was able to converse. I chatted with their father for a short while. Soon after he left, the baby woke up. Crying. Hysterically. Mary suggested feeding the baby "Trix" but somehow my true instinct knew that was most likely a terrible idea. After Mary decided to go through my wallet and hide my license, debit card, medical insurance card, and most importantly my punch card to Rhino Coffee, I tried to calm the hysterical babe down. I rocked her. Nope. I changed her diaper (backwards, I think). Nope. Then I found some Cheetos and fed her those and she was golden. They were the Gerber Baby Food Cheetos, it was fine, and they tasted really good (don't judge me). The father of the little nuggets works out of his home so his employees drop by to pick things up quite often. During the peak of the baby crying, one of his workers walked in and saw me holding the baby (extremely uncomfortably) and Mary standing over the baby shaking a maraca in her face because the baby "liked" that. He asked me if Pops was home and the only response I could give him was, yelling, "WHAT?!?! WHAT!? HE ISN'T HOME!". When the dad came home for lunch, we were having a casual chat and he said "So, Clint tells me you babysit a lot!" I have never babysat anything in my life besides my little sister and brother who are four and eight years younger than me, and it happened maybe two or three times. I am in no shape or form the babysitting kind of person. I think babies are like alien versions of their parents except more awkward. They haven't called me for another whack at it. I guess if I refer to babysitting with "another whack at it", I shouldn't be babysitting in the first place. Oh well.

This past weekend was Christmas in the Sky. For those of you who don't know, it's an incredible gala that raises an extremely large amount of cash-flow. With the event being held on a Saturday, I told myself I would lay low the Friday before because I needed to save my energy. Well sometimes we go off the beaten path.
The next day was somewhat close to miserable, and the last thing I wanted to do was...basically move, but beauty is pain (literally, they strapped me down and tied chains to my limbs and stretched me until I was tall enough for my dress). I'm still getting over a case of Bronchitis and I went to get my nails "did" which resulted in me coughing in the woman's face the entire time that she was working on my cuticles. She put a mask on. I wouldn't blame her.
Later, Madeline and Ellie were getting their make-up done at Chanel and I figured I might as well go and get mine done too considering I wasn't planning on doing it at all. I got there and Madeline's make-up looked stunning, but Chanel was booked up and we had to go to another booth to search for a miracle maker. We showed up to Dior and I took a seat (in the headmaster's chair). Have you ever seen on a cartoon or sitcom when an overweight person sits on a chair and it slowly descends because of their weight? Well, picture this happening to me. Madeline went to go look around and I tried to figure out this chair that was purposefully being an asshole. Somehow, it had gotten jammed and when I thought I fixed it, I realized it had been caught under one of the display tables that has all of the make-up products on it. It was too late. All of the sudden there were bottles and containers all over the floor in the middle of Dillard's and everyone was staring at me. One woman said "they usually applaud." Thanks for making me feel so much better. After doing my make-up, the woman could not stop complimenting me on my lip color and how unique and beautiful it was. I couldn't keep lying to her and telling her it was natural...finally I admitted that I was extremely dehydrated from drinking the night before and that's the only reason my lips were like that...because I was about to pass out.

We arrived at Christmas in the Sky and it was as magical as we thought it would be. I was the only one walking around with a beer and a glass of wine in-hand but it was solely because I am extremely indecisive and couldn't choose between the two. Apparently, I have a bad habit of not being able to tell the difference between men and women because I kept calling all of the characters ladies when they were truly men just dressed up. Madeline and I were privileged to get on the stage at Club Mayan and I did the robot, signature move, I know. I tried to make friends with one of the bands, signature move again, I know. They lied and said they would hang out with us, we never saw them again (DISAPPOINTEDDDDD!). One guy was putting the moves on a friend and we realized that no one knew who this dude was. So, naturally, I poked him in the buttocks to see what would happen. He didn't acknowledge this. Our friend quickly got out of the situation. When we were leaving, Madeline went to check and see if she had won anything and we began talking to this elderly rich man who had just dropped $20K on some Beatles albums. Then, we were waiting on our cab to come when this woman started talking to us and told us she had just won an entire year of free Taco Bell. She didn't have a certificate that said "One Free Year of Taco Bell", she had about $6,000 worth of $20 gift cards. So, of course Madeline and I are trying to explain to her that we're struggling college students who favor Taco Hell and love it unconditionally. The lady didn't offer us anything. We were legitimately angry at this. It was the coolest thing I've ever been to in my entire life and probably will be the coolest thing until the day I die.

Here are some pics: