Gerard and Dylan

     Greetings all, I'm writing this from an iPad and it is extremely odd.
   
      Last Wednesday, two friends and I decided to go to Strangebrew for "Dollar Drinks". Mallory and I go pretty much every Wednesday and it is always poppin' with cool people and it's usually a good time...except last night was a total dud. Cody, Mallory, and I all arrived and it was incredibly empty and therefore it was freezing and miserable. We stayed for about 10 minutes and decided to go back to where we were familiar. Mallory and I live incredibly (some may say pathetically) close to the Cub, so we parked the car there and all three walked over. The parking lot seemed so promising yet when we walked in...it was another dud. We grabbed a drink and decided to kick it on the patio. Much worse of an idea. A man (who apparently was in a band during his glory days) brought his guitar (and decided to make all of our ears bleed) and began singing Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again". Naturally, the three of us challenged him and his "posse" by singing much louder. After Whitesnake's protege finished his lovely show, we decided to head somewhere different where we new people would be at. The poor cab driver.
      We drove by Centenary thinking there would be a house party (I know, right?), shockingly (...) there wasn't. At this point we've decided on Stray Cat because we were all very hungry but I brilliantly came up with the idea of going to Noble Savage. The kind man dropped us off and we parted ways. Noble Savage is full of very laid-back folks, mostly hipsters decked out in plaid (and I am SO okay with that). I'd only heard of one of their draft beers (Guinness) but I ended up getting an ESB which was quite delicious. We sat down at a little table where we could see into the pool room and were mindlessly chatting about the economy and other things to help us fit into the hipster crowd when I looked over and calmly said "Uh...I think that's Gerard Butler playing darts..." and it was. Mallory and I slowly began freaking out but not to where they would notice it. I tried my best to play it cool and then Cody pointed out that Dylan McDermott was part of the famous crew. That's when I began to start hitting the table, my eyes watered, and I was quietly screaming. I love(d) him.

     We went into the pool room so we could have a much better chance of meeting these people. I swear I'm not exaggerating when I say that Gerard and I continuously made seductive eye contact, he may have thought I was a psychopath but he at least noticed me and for that I am proud. Mallory was flipping out because she wanted a picture so badly and I was trying to play it cool and act like this was no big deal (on the inside I was completely on her side) because I was sure they'd become our best friends. Cody finally told us we were being babies and he walked over to them and casually said "Hey Dylan. Hey Gerard. Can they take a picture with y'all really quick?" And then came our "Sorry, we know y'all get this all the time" rants, when Dylan (I feel so close to celebrities when I refer to them by their first names) spit out "Yeah...but make it quick." Taken aback by the comment slightly I was trying to figure out how one actually goes about taking a picture "quickly". Do you run, freeze, snap, and then you're done? Naturally that's what I was thinking. So, after we said thank you and walked away, Cody begins with "Ooh...y'all are going to be kind of pissed at me..." This is why:

    You can not tell that we even took a picture with them. First off, Cody happened to adjust the lighting perfectly to where Gerard's head is blinded. Secondly, it's incredibly blurry. Thirdly, Dylan's (really cool...) deuce that he's throwing makes it look like Mallory has a massive man hand and is unfortunately chunking this gesture.

    We all sat back down at our original table and I was so unsatisfied with that picture that I convinced myself it was okay to offer to buy them a beer. Stupid. I walked up to the both of them as they were standing looking at Gerard's iPhone and politely (and awkwardly considering I'm a girl...whatever) asked "Hey, can I buy y'all a beer? Or a drink?" Then Dylan McDermott put his hand on my shoulder and said "Save your money..." like I'm some sort of peasant. It was so degrading. My jaw dropped (I know, so dramatic but I wanted to show them I could be an actress for sure). Gerard looked at me and asked if I knew what song was playing in the bar and I said "I don't believe I do" and then he shushed me...so rude Gerard, so rude.

Douche.

    After I got over the fact that two celebrities were really rude to me, Gerard started HARDCORE making out with his Brazilian model girlfriend (ugh) right in front of us. It was quite odd. She was straddling him and just going after it. So, we did what every normal person would have done and began taking pictures and yelling "I'M SENDING THIS TO PEOPLE!" "TMZ! TMZ! TMZ!"

We are so mature.

After that we walked over to Stray Cat and devoured a pizza and chatting about what the hell had just happened.

Bizarre right? Right.

Dallas...and other nonsense.

Wow. It's been almost seven months, maybe even longer, I'm too lazy to go back and check to correct myself. Sorry. I MISSED Y'ALL! There's so many things I would love to catch all of you up on (like how delicious the Berry Almond Chicken Salad from Wendy's is), but that may take me quite some time and I'm just such a busy lad (lassie?), again, sorry.

To kick us all back into high gear, I figure I'll write about my recent mini-vacation to Dallas (D-Town). Let's take a magical journey back into that weekend:

One of my dear friends had been in Dallas for a week getting certified to be a personal trainer and my cousin asked me if I wanted to go spend a weekend there to visit our physically-fit pal to celebrate her hard work. I was full of glee to say the least. I just recently turned twenty-one a month ago from today and had never experienced Dallas besides with my parents at Six Flags (which is equally as fun just in a different way, duh.). My cousin and I arrived at the beautiful Fairmont Hotel in the Arts District of Dallas and we all got ready and decided to stop and have a drink at the chic hotel bar and then go out to dinner and then so-on. Well...we ended up having multiple drinks in the hotel lobby. Let me start of by saying that I go to the Cub every weekend where it is completely laid back and "everybody knows your name (bum bum bum...!)". At the hotel bar (the Pyramid), they had a variety of martinis and cosmos so I figured I might as well try one out (YOLO...just kidding.) and so I ordered an Apple-tini. I am a beer drinker. I do not like the taste of hard liquor. This drink tasted like hairspray with a sour apple Warhead dissolved in it (doesn't that sound delicious?!). After my attempt at being sophisticated, I switched to Blue Moon and continued drinking that for the remainder of our time there. One of the girls we were with decided to drink multiple Dirty Martinis and got slammed (which was extremely entertaining). Two stranger-danger dudes decided to sit down with us (one was wasted and super rude, the other had hoop earrings...really solid guys) and force conversation upon all of us. They actually turned out being nice but not until the next day (will tell later). The one guy who was extremely intoxicated spilled my beer, twice I think, and ate our quesadillas and sandwiches, I was livid. You can insult me all you want, I'll most likely return the favor, but touch my food when I'm starving and without permission...you're dead. We got into a verbal argument about how obnoxious he was. Pretty sure I won.
     After we got that ordeal out of the way, the three of us called a cab and decided to head to the bar. An Indian man picked us up in a pretty fancy minivan.

 He asked us where we were headed and we told him McKinney (main street with lots of bars a couple of blocks away from our hotel), he told us it was going to be fifty-five dollars...what the heck? We all began shouting "Not McKinney, Texas! McKinney Avenue!" and different variations of that and he started yelling back at us in his Indian accent "BE QUIET!! BE QUIET!" We shut up. On McKinney, the streets were full of cabs and before I know it the cabbie has rolled my window down (you know it's a fancy minivan when the windows roll down) and there's another cab full of cute guys next to me and I'm sitting there wondering "Why is this man doing this to me?" I heard one of the girls laughing uncontrollably in the back seat and I asked her what was so hilarious. "You didn't hear that?!" she said pointing at the other girl we were with who was sitting next to me in the captains seat. I looked over at her and she seemed to be mindlessly texting someone when all of the sudden she lifted her leg up and let out one of the loudest farts I've ever heard. Immediately following the bodily function, the pissed off cabbie rolled down every window in there and to make matters worse, she didn't even acknowledge the fact that it happened, just kept texting away. He pulled over on the side of the street and in his Indian accent screamed at us "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
    At the bar, it was a pretty regular time. I convinced a group of Afghanistan men I was Australian which ended up getting us free beer the whole time. These two guys (who looked like the biggest tools I've ever seen) showed up wearing really expensive suits but had their dress shirts unbuttoned literally almost down to their navels, so I casually went up and tried to chat with them. "Oh my gosh! One Direction! Where's the rest of y'all at? I knew y'all had a concert here but I didn't think y'all would come out!" They did not like my joke, and I'm pretty sure they said things totally degrading  towards me but we all found it hilarious and that's all that matters.

The next day we woke up and went to the pool and ordered some delicious Bloody Mary's. We're all sitting there chatting about the previous night when the two doinkers from the Pyramid Bar show up and one of the girls said "Oh, shit." under her breath (aka loud enough for them to hear) and for some odd reason they took that as an invitation to hang out with us...for the next four hours. After they left we decided to lay out on the fancy pool chairs and me being the lazy-log that I am (that was a really stupid phrase but I can't think of anything else that isn't a "sack of...") tried to let down my chair with one hand and it crushed my thumb and threw us all into a panic thinking I broke my thumb:

   Fortunately, I just jammed the f out of it. That night we went to another bar that was pretty cool, it had three stories and every floor played different kinds of music. Our cab guy (another Indian man, except this time much nicer) picked us up and for some reason on the way home we decided to start a sing-a-long of "Venus"..."I'm your Venus! I'm your fire, your desire!" clapping to the beat and screaming this song and our awesome cab driver began doing it with us ( I just started crying laughing while thinking about that) all the way to the hotel and until we got out of the car. Pretty sure some of the hotel valet guys started joining in as well.
     A very large white man by the name of Randy (the hotel security manager) greeted us with delight. We became instant friends. I went over to the main desk to buy some gum and Randy followed me over there while the other two girls sat quite far away. One of them yelled at me "Syd, stop talking to Randy and leave him alone!" I had already forgotten who this Randy fellow was so right in front of him I yelled back "Who the hell is Randy?!" He wasn't pleased. Probably because before I had forgotten who he was I (jokingly) threatened to sue the Fairmont Hotel for breaking my thumb on the pool chair, he freaked out. Like really freaked out. I told him I was kidding but he still made me file an incident report. After doing that I tried to convince him to let me be on a brochure for the hotel giving the viewers a "thumbs-up" with my broken finger but he wasn't going to go for that one either.

Sorry for the lengthy post y'all! I've been missing out on chatting with y'all so I had to get all of it out! Y'all have a swell evening. I promise I won't let y'all down and wait this long again. I'll leave you all with an overweight man trying to sit in an inner-tube while wearing a bikini at our hotel: